Satire on Indian news media
(no harm intended to any news watchers, anchors, tv news studios etc)
I
got this following mail yesterday, I don't know the person who had
written this , but this is the best satire I had read on Indian News
media
Subject: Jack and Jill by NDTV
A very true Scenario !!!
The way news gets reported today !!!
Heres how the Indian TV news channel NDTV 24x7 would report the Jack and
Jill nursery rhyme.
Disclaimer: All names (except those of Jack and Jill), are fictitious.
Prashant - TV Anchor
Two persons have been injured in a freak climbing accident. Jack and his
companion Jill had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water when Jack fell
down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after. Live from the hill, our
reporter, Amrita Shah, takes up the story.
Amrita Shah
Thank you Prashant. Well, as you say, two persons - Jack and Jill - had gone
up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Suddenly, Jack fell down and broke his
crown and Jill came tumbling after. Prashant.
Prashant
Thank you Amrita. What do we know about the hill?
Amrita
Not too much. Jack was going up the hill to fetch a pail of water when he
fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "hill breaks crown of
pail-boy Jack"]
Prashant
What news of Jack and Jill?
Amrita
Prashant, it seems that Jack had gone up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
We know nothing about the pail, or how heavy it was but it seems that Jack
fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. I have here with
me, an eyewitness to the accident, Mr Shahid Trivedi. Mr Shahid, tell us
what you saw.
Shahid Trivedi
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and
broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "Boy and girl tumble down
hill. Water spilled"]
Amrita
Jack and Jill. What do we know about them? Are they brother and sister? Are
they married? Just what were they doing on the hill together?
Shahid Trivedi
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail a water.
Amrita
And what happened next?
Shahid Trivedi
Jack fell down and broke his crown
Amrita
Go on.
Shahid Trivedi
And Jill came tumbling after.
Amrita
Prashant, there you have it. Two people innocently going about their
business to fetch a pail of water when one of them falls down, breaks his
crown, and the other comes tumbling after. Back to you in the studio
Prashant.
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "Water errand ends in
tragedy"]
Prashant
I have with me in the studio now, Professor Chandrashekar Belagare from the
Indian Institute of Applied Hill Sciences. Professor: a hill; Jack; Jill; a
pail of water. A tragedy waiting to happen?
Professor
Well that depends on the hill, the two persons, the object they were
carrying and the conditions underfoot. Let us look at the evidence so far.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.
Clearly, one would suspect that if Jack's fall was severe enough to break
his crown then the surface of the hill must have been slippery or unstable.
But I think we're overlooking something quite fundamental here. Who was
carrying the pail? Jack fell down and broke his crown and - this is the
key - Jill came tumbling after. If Jack and Jill had been carrying the pail
together, would they not have fallen at the same time? The fact that Jill
came tumbling after suggests that Jack lost his footing first and perhaps
knocked Jill over as he slipped.
Prashant
Professor thank you very much. So there we have it, two persons - Jack and
Jill - went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke
his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Later in the programme, Osama bin
Laden captured in Afghanistan, President Bush says rent-boy menage-a-trois
was "just a brief lapse of judgement", and Pakistan launches nuclear
warheads against key Indian cities. But next up, join us after the break for
a studio discussion about hills, boys and girls and whether water-fetching
trips should be supervised. We'll be right back...
Subject: Jack and Jill by NDTV
A very true Scenario !!!
The way news gets reported today !!!
Heres how the Indian TV news channel NDTV 24x7 would report the Jack and
Jill nursery rhyme.
Disclaimer: All names (except those of Jack and Jill), are fictitious.
Prashant - TV Anchor
Two persons have been injured in a freak climbing accident. Jack and his
companion Jill had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water when Jack fell
down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after. Live from the hill, our
reporter, Amrita Shah, takes up the story.
Amrita Shah
Thank you Prashant. Well, as you say, two persons - Jack and Jill - had gone
up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Suddenly, Jack fell down and broke his
crown and Jill came tumbling after. Prashant.
Prashant
Thank you Amrita. What do we know about the hill?
Amrita
Not too much. Jack was going up the hill to fetch a pail of water when he
fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "hill breaks crown of
pail-boy Jack"]
Prashant
What news of Jack and Jill?
Amrita
Prashant, it seems that Jack had gone up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
We know nothing about the pail, or how heavy it was but it seems that Jack
fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. I have here with
me, an eyewitness to the accident, Mr Shahid Trivedi. Mr Shahid, tell us
what you saw.
Shahid Trivedi
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and
broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "Boy and girl tumble down
hill. Water spilled"]
Amrita
Jack and Jill. What do we know about them? Are they brother and sister? Are
they married? Just what were they doing on the hill together?
Shahid Trivedi
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail a water.
Amrita
And what happened next?
Shahid Trivedi
Jack fell down and broke his crown
Amrita
Go on.
Shahid Trivedi
And Jill came tumbling after.
Amrita
Prashant, there you have it. Two people innocently going about their
business to fetch a pail of water when one of them falls down, breaks his
crown, and the other comes tumbling after. Back to you in the studio
Prashant.
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "Water errand ends in
tragedy"]
Prashant
I have with me in the studio now, Professor Chandrashekar Belagare from the
Indian Institute of Applied Hill Sciences. Professor: a hill; Jack; Jill; a
pail of water. A tragedy waiting to happen?
Professor
Well that depends on the hill, the two persons, the object they were
carrying and the conditions underfoot. Let us look at the evidence so far.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.
Clearly, one would suspect that if Jack's fall was severe enough to break
his crown then the surface of the hill must have been slippery or unstable.
But I think we're overlooking something quite fundamental here. Who was
carrying the pail? Jack fell down and broke his crown and - this is the
key - Jill came tumbling after. If Jack and Jill had been carrying the pail
together, would they not have fallen at the same time? The fact that Jill
came tumbling after suggests that Jack lost his footing first and perhaps
knocked Jill over as he slipped.
Prashant
Professor thank you very much. So there we have it, two persons - Jack and
Jill - went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke
his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Later in the programme, Osama bin
Laden captured in Afghanistan, President Bush says rent-boy menage-a-trois
was "just a brief lapse of judgement", and Pakistan launches nuclear
warheads against key Indian cities. But next up, join us after the break for
a studio discussion about hills, boys and girls and whether water-fetching
trips should be supervised. We'll be right back...
